Whether you are male or female, having a good relationship is something that many of us strive for. Someone who understands us, to share experiences with, enjoy fun times and have lots of romantic getaways and experiences with but like all things in life, nothing is ‘perfect’ all the time and if you ignore the warning signs expecting things to get better then they can, in fact, get a whole lot worse! In this blog post we discuss 9 signs that a relationship may be jeopardising your mental and emotional health.
1. A member of your family doesn’t like them
When a family member doesn’t like them it can be a warning sign that this person may be bad for your life. Not only is it going to cause you problems when you have the family member visit and your lover is in the same room putting you in between a rock and a hard place quite often. As hard as it may be , it is important to listen to your family as mostly, they will always have your best intentions at heart.
If your partner and a family member have a disagreement it can sometimes be the first warning sign that this relationship will begin to become challenged, a lot.
2. You are being sacrificial
You have project deadlines to meet or you want to go to play football with your friends but your partner wants you to spend time with her instead because she says she wants to, so you find yourself constantly sacrifice what you want for your partner’s wants and needs.
Every relationship should have sacrifices and your partner should come before your friends but when you sacrifice too much then that is stopping your own happiness. Being sacrificial is partly your own fault, you do have a choice, but when you start sacrificing your own joys in life for your other half you will start living for them, rather than with them and sometimes begin to feel a sense of sadness and frustration that you don’t have more time to do the things you really want to do with your life, which can lead to feelings of depression.
3. They play emotional bribery games
When you do want to do things differently than your partner’s wishes and they don’t understand a bad partner will start toying with your emotions making you feel guilty. When your other half makes you feel guilty I think it is time to ask yourself, why they are doing this?
A healthy relationship gives and takes and allows you both free time with friends or on your own to do what you want and/or need to do to satisfy yourself. If they make you feel guilty for doing something you enjoy (within good reason ) or have work to do that is very important, then you need to stand back and think…is this the right relationship for you.
4. You rarely enjoy being with them anymore
Everyone knows, the first year in a relationship is known as ‘the honeymoon’ period.
Everything is new, fun and exciting, the more you do together, the more you realise how much you like the person you are with and that should continue the longer you spend with someone, even into old age!
When life starts becoming a chore and you stop wanting to do things together or finding the energy to do it, that is when difficulties start and may be an indication that you both need to ask yourselves what can you do differently to make your relationship and life enjoyable again.
5. The attraction is gone
There was something really attractive about your partner when you both first met, it is doubtful you would have entered into a relationship otherwise but as they became comfortable then they started letting themselves go, or maybe simply your tastes and wants have changed and so has your personality or maybe what you want from a different stage of your life has also changed.
When you stop wanting to woo your other half and getting jiggy with it, you start seeing all their bad points instead of all those things that sparked the romance initially.
Are you just settling for what you have rather than what you dream of?
6. You have considered leaving but don’t want to be alone
A common reason people stay in unhappy relationships is because they don’t want to be alone, there is often a fear of being alone, for whatever reason, maybe they have no family and friends etc ( but this draws us back to being sacrificial) or maybe it is simply the fear of not finding somebody else (even though the world has many billions of people!).
It is important to realise that no one wants to be alone and there are many single people in this world of all ages that want exactly the same thing as you do and even have many similar tastes in food, hobbies and interests.
If you are afraid of being alone don’t worry! There will be someone around the corner for both you and your
There will be someone around the corner for both you and your ex-partner so, pack your bags, live with a family member or friend and start getting yourself happy again.
It really is about your courage to make change whether you make this simple but difficult step or not.
7. They don’t support you in your times of hardship
“…from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…”
Probably one of the biggest concerns you should have is when a partner doesn’t support you when illness or hardship strikes.
If you are down on your luck or suffering from an illness and they don’t support you then it’s time to think do they really care about you?
My ex suffered a lot of hardships in our early years together but I stood by her through every one of the issues during our 7 years together even when I also had to complete a very challenging degree, but when I had my severe mental breakdown she couldn’t cope with me being ill and down on my luck financially and decided to leave me on boxing day (day after Christmas day for those non-Christian).
So it was evident that by giving someone lots of love and care doesn’t always mean we always receive it back, sometimes they have been using you as an emotional crutch.
For my personal situation, it was a lucky escape because I met a wonderful woman, 8 months after this happened and she continues to help me move forward and improve myself into the best version of myself, as well as show love, compassion and affection.
If your relationship doesn’t get you buzzing and they give you a really hard time for something bad out of your control…it may be time to say adios!
8. They focus too much on money
Having an equal share of expenses is of course, important in a balanced relationship but when you are out of work and looking, or you are in education ( so funds are limited) there needs to be a rebalance and sacrifice on the monetary scales and more understanding of your partner’s difficulty.
Money, although important to live happily, is not the most important element of a relationship, or in fact, life for that matter, but when your partner demands that you give everything you have, even when you can’t afford it and they don’t care, it is a warning sign that they are a selfish partner and don’t have much empathy, you need to be very wary of your partner, particularly if it brings you a sense of sadness.
9. Accepting verbal or physical abuse
Lastly, but definitely not least is probably the most important element to consider when in a relationship…
If your partner ever hits you, says mean things to you about your negative traits and is consistently lowering your self-esteem, then they really don’t deserve you.
Physical and verbal/emotional abuse should NEVER be tolerated in any relationship or by people in general day to day life.
If they have done this to you more than once without an apology or wanting to and trying to change, it is definitely time to pack your bags and go to a family or friend you can trust.
Like I have said before there are many people in this world and many of whom would be on your wavelength, enjoy your hobbies, have similair life goals and laugh at the same things for both you and your partner. So don’t settle for what you have just because you are ‘comfortable’ or afraid of being alone, get what you truly deserve.
Life is too short and is meant to be enjoyed.
I was in an unhealthy relationship for 6 years (one year was ok) and I now know the importance of respecting yourself, not settling for someone you don’t want, not sacrificing your happiness and recognising the warning signs of an abusive or emotionally demanding partner.
I know the difficulty of having to make the choice to leave or not, the consequences for your partner as much as yourself but in the end, my ex-relationship was one cause of my mental breakdown and increased the pressure I already had after graduating at the foot of the recession.
You don’t have to stop caring about your ex, I still care about my ex, even now, but you do need to love yourself just as much as you love anyone else otherwise your world can be very difficult and you will never find happiness.
If you really don’t want to leave your partner then I think you should talk to them and tell them your grievances and maybe get relationship counselling. If things still can’t be solved, seek a friend or family member’s help and ask if they can take you into their spare room or sofa just whilst you sort yourself out.
The more of the above signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship that you could tick off as you read them then the more reason you really need to take prompt action so you can improve your lives for both of you.
It’s time to put yourself first and also to remember that doing that is the best thing you can do for your current partner, as much as yourself.
You both can be happier!