Whether you are male or female, having a good relationship is something that many of us strive for. Someone who understands us, to share experiences with, enjoy fun times and that loving support. But like all things in life, nothing is ‘perfect’ all the time. Most relationships are up and down. It is when the downs are more often than the ups you need to think is this healthy? If you ignore the warning signs expecting things to get better then sometimes, they can get a whole lot worse! In this article, we discuss 9 signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. A relationship that may be jeopardizing your mental and emotional health. We hope it’ll allow you to work on making it better or possibly, spot unhealthy ones.
1. A member of your family doesn’t like them
When a family member doesn’t like them it can be a warning sign. This person may be bad for your life. When you have family gatherings it will put you in between a rock and a hard place. As hard as it may be, it is important to listen to your family. They will always have your best intentions at heart. They are the people who want you to have the best life possible.
If your partner and a family member have a disagreement it can sometimes be the first warning sign. This relationship will begin to become challenged, a lot!
2. An Unhealthy Relationship Will Make You More Sacrificial
All relationships require sacrifice in some regard. You have project deadlines to meet or you want to go to play football with your friends. Your partner wants you to spend time with them and go shopping instead. So you find yourself constantly sacrifice what you want for your partner’s wants and needs. They even make you feel guilty for wanting to do your hobbies or see friends.
Every relationship should have sacrifices. As your bond becomes stronger your partner should come as equal to your family and probably, before friends. But when you start to sacrifice too much then you need to ask yourself is this relationship making you happy? It is important to realize, being overly sacrificial is partly your own fault and you do have a choice. But when you start sacrificing your own joys in life for your other half you will start living for them. Rather than with them. You may begin to feel a sense of frustration and sadness that you don’t have more time for hobbies. Thus leading to feelings of depression and a lack of fulfillment.
3. They play emotional bribery games
When you do want to do things differently than your partner’s wishes and they don’t understand a bad partner will start toying with your emotions. Often making you feel guilty. When your other half makes you feel guilty I think it is time to ask yourself, why?
A healthy relationship gives and takes. It should allow you both free time with friends or on your own. Time to do what you want and/or need to do to satisfy yourself. If they make you feel guilty for doing something you enjoy. Or have work to do that is very important. Then you need to stand back and think…is this the right relationship for you.
4. You Rarely Enjoy Being With Them Anymore
Everyone knows, the first year in a relationship is known as ‘the honeymoon’ period.
Everything is new, fun and exciting. The more you do together, the more you realize how much you like the person. This should continue, forever in your relationship, even into old age!
When life starts becoming a chore and you stop wanting to do things together or finding the energy to do it, that is when difficulties start and could be an indication that you both need to ask yourselves what can you do differently. Maybe you can find the joy in your relationship and life again.
5. The Attraction Is Gone
There was something really attractive about your partner when you both first met. It is doubtful you would have entered into a relationship otherwise. But as they became comfortable, then they started letting themselves go. Or maybe it is simply your tastes and wants have changed and so has your personality. Or maybe what you want from a different stage of your life has also now changed.
When you stop wanting to woo your other half and getting jiggy with it something is going wrong. You start seeing all their bad points instead of all those things that sparked the romance initially. Are you in a rut and are you just settling for what you have? Is this your dream relationship?
6. You Have Considered Leaving But Don’t Want To Be Alone
A common reason people stay in unhappy relationships is that they don’t want to be alone. There is often a fear of being alone, for whatever reason. Maybe they have no family and/or friends, etc. Or maybe, it is simply the fear of not finding somebody else even though likely, you will.
It is important to realize that no one wants to be alone. There are many single people in this world of all ages that want exactly the same thing as you. Many even have many similar tastes in food, hobbies, and interests.
If you are afraid of being alone don’t worry! There will be someone around the corner for both you and your
There will be someone around the corner for both you and your ex-partner so, pack your bags, live with a family member or friend and start getting yourself happy again.
It really is about your courage to make a change whether you make this simple but difficult step or not.
7. An Unhealthy Relationship Won’t Support You In Your Times Of Hardship
“…from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…”
When a partner doesn’t support you when illness or hardship strikes you really should be concerned.
If you are down on your luck or suffering from an illness you need help. If they don’t support you then it’s time to think do they really care about you or just themselves?
My ex suffered a lot of hardships in our early years together but I stood by her through every one of the issues during our 7 years together even when I also had to complete a very challenging degree, but when I had my severe mental breakdown she couldn’t cope with me being ill and down on my luck financially and decided to leave me on boxing day (day after Christmas day for those non-Christian).
So it was evident that giving someone lots of love and care doesn’t always mean we always receive it back. Sometimes, they have been using you as an emotional crutch.
For my personal situation, it was a lucky escape because I met a wonderful woman. 8 months after this happened to me and she continued to help me move forward and improve myself. As well as show love, compassion, and affection.
If your relationship doesn’t get you buzzing and they give you a really hard time for something bad out of your control…it may be time to say adios!
8. They Focus Too Much On Money
Having an equal share of expenses is of course, important in a balanced relationship. When you are out of work or funds are limited in your situation then there needs to be a rebalance. A sacrifice on the monetary scales and more understanding of your partner’s difficulty.
Money, although important to live happily, is not the most important element of a relationship. If they are demanding you give all you have financially, it is a warning sign. It is a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship and your partner may be selfish. They don’t have much empathy and just care about the money. If this is bringing you down, and it isn’t feeling equal, its time to reconsider the relationship.
9. An Unhealthy Relationship With Verbal Or Physical Abuse
Lastly, but definitely not least is probably the most important element to consider when in any relationship.
If your partner ever hits you, says mean things to you or plays mind or emotional games. Lowers your self-esteem. Then they really don’t deserve you.
Physical and verbal/emotional abuse should NEVER be tolerated in any relationship or by people in general day to day life.
If they have done this to you more than once without an apology or wanting to try to change, it is definitely time to pack your bags. Go live with a family or friend you can trust whilst you look after yourself. Then go seek relationship counselling, if they are willing.
Like I have said before there are many people in this world. Many of whom would be on your wavelength. People who enjoy your hobbies, have similar life goals and laugh at the same things. The same is true for your partner. Neither of you have to settle for what you have just because you are ‘comfortable’ or afraid of being alone. Let your life contain everything that you truly deserve.
Life is too short and is meant to be enjoyed, you don’t have to tolerate an unhealthy relationship.
I, the founder of Seek A Therapy was in an unhealthy relationship for 6 years (one year was ok). I now know the importance of respecting yourself, not settling for someone or life you don’t want. Not sacrificing your own happiness and recognizing the warning signs of an abusive or emotionally demanding partner.
I know the difficulty of having to make the choice to leave or not. The consequences for your partner as much as yourself but in the end, my ex-relationship was one cause of my mental breakdown. It increased the pressure I already had after graduating at the foot of the recession.
Leaving Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Care
You don’t have to stop caring about your ex, I still care about my ex, even now. But you do need to love yourself just as much as you love anyone else. Otherwise, things can become very difficult and you will never find true happiness.
If you really don’t want to leave your partner then I think you should talk to them and tell them your grievances and maybe get relationship counseling. If things still can’t be solved, seek a friend or family member’s help. Then ask if they can take you into their spare room or sleep on the sofa, just whilst you sort yourself out.
The more of the above signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship that you could tick off as you read them then the more reason you really need to take prompt action so you can improve your lives for both of you.
It’s time to put yourself first and also to remember that doing that is the best thing you can do. For your current partner, as much as yourself.
You both can be happier!