He lives in you
He lives in me
He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you

please, if you are suicidal seek medical help, call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 as soon as possible. Thing can get better!

When I was suffering with deep depression and had a severe breakdown after graduating from my 2nd degree that was going to lead me nowhere and my life was not what I had imagined with over 33k of educational debt, a relationship that was lack lustre and what seemed no way out of my predicament there was only one reason I didn’t commit suicide and that was the thought of my family…both living and passed on.

What would your loved ones both living and passed on think if you gave up?

Everything in my life felt like I had failed. Career, relationship, materialism and no way out of the situation, I remember laying on my floor shaking and sweating and having racing thoughts in my head.

The only thing that kept me alive was the effect suicide would have had on my family and as a believer in something after death, how those who had passed on would feel by doing this difficult act of desperation. I know I wasn’t going to make anyone proud and I was going to add to the burden of my family that they would have to carry with them for the rest of their lives, I couldn’t do that to them, I’d rather live through the pain of bad decisions and severe depression even if things never got better.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami

Remembering what your family want for you

Maybe you don’t always see eye to eye with all your family members but there is usually one with whom you have a good bond with. Remember them, remember how they were and what they dreamed for you and how they made you feel whether living or passed on.

Your family wants you to have a fulfilling and happy life, there is no one else in this world who wants that as much as those who are related to you. As humans we all make bad decisions and silly mistakes, it is a part of living but as long as you learn from the past you can still move forward and never give up.

Life is full of loss and learning to deal with it

I have referred to the film Gladiator several times in my blog posts and probably because there is a lot of messages about life and how to deal with difficult situations of loss and failure within the film.

Maximus loses everything and the most important thing to him, his family are murdered but yet he never kills himself to join them in the next life. He chooses to fight on, even as being captured by a slave and being humiliated.

If the character had been a real person they would have been feeling a lot of pain, anger and even depression because of what they had experienced but he knew his family would have wanted him to live on and restore the wishes of the true leader of Rome. He saw he had a purpose to live for and that no matter how difficult or bleak a situation seems you can STILL turn it all around.

The Colosseum is in my opinion, very symbolic of life…we are in our own arena every day and we must entertain the crowd whilst confronting our life’s difficulties and journeys throughout. Those who fight and never give up win admiration of those who know their story.

If you could talk to loved ones who had passed on

Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around. I will find you again…

Another powerful movie scene from Vanilla Sky. Tom Cruise is a rich magazine editor who has an accident and is then cryogenically frozen in order to find a cure to his problem. He then realises that he is in a sleep and the person he is speaking to and that he loves deeply is dead but he talks to her in his mind. He remembers what she said to him…

every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

Imagine what your loved ones who have passed on would say to you if they could. If you close your eyes and look to see your family in your mind’s eye, imagine what they would say to you…just take 5 minutes of your time to do this.

Put some relaxing music on on a very low volume and shut your eyes, see a waterfall in front of you, a beautiful waterfall that is translucent but also full of colour like a diamond sparkles in the sun.

As you see the waterfall you become relaxed and at peace, now you will see a person and that person is a loved one, you will know who it is and you will know what they want to say to you. You smile at one another and so glad to be talking again, your loved one tells you not to worry, this is just a difficult point in life and that life can improve just don’t give up.

Life is so rewarding and an experience to be cherished, even the most difficult times are teaching you something about yourself and about life.

They are with you wherever you go and whatever you face they will stand by your side.

Your loved ones live within you

This may sound like I am going a little bit non-scientific here and I am sorry for that but there is good reason why I am using my creative, philosophical mind rather than the logical scientific approach.

It is as clear as a summers day that we are our parents children and our parent’s parent’s grandchildren and so on! We are the legacy of past generations and in each of us is a small part of a past person and life before.

We must think of our loved ones when we become depressed to a severity of suicide and realise that what we do in life is also a reflection of our past and future generations.

Making your deceased ones proud

Considering that our loved ones are now ‘not of this world’ (but I believe, still around somewhere) but we are a part of them we must do our upmost to make them proud of us and never give up.

Life is fairly short anyway and when you experience a difficulty, although it feels like it will last forever it won’t! The darkness will only be in your life for a short time and you will be given a chance to rise to your full potential.

Never give up

Giving up isn’t an option. Your family need you and the pain they will go through if you choose to leave will be a heavy weight to carry with themselves for the rest of their life. I realise having severe depression has physical symptoms and is hard to alleviate but NEVER GIVE UP.

Your family and friends LOVE you!

Make peace for any grievance


As previously mentioned it is important to make peace with your family if you have any grievances, you never know when your time is up so if a family member is not speaking to you or you don’t want to be the one to break ‘the silence’. Take the brave step and try to talk to them , you will likely find they will be surprised you have stepped forward and will be glad of it too.

If your family has passed on without being able to make peace then forgive yourself and your loved one. They would not want you to burden yourself with the regrets, no matter how angry you are with someone you love they will always want you to find happiness in peace in life.

When you are feeling suicidal remember your family needs you

I remember back in 2011 when I was suicidal and how terrible a feeling it is, it has haunted me ever since that day in July and I realise it is a difficult topic to discuss. I know for my own situation thinking of my family was one thing that helped me hold on rather than give up. I didn’t want to give people I love any more pain than life is already giving them and I didn’t want to burden with the pain and agony I was feeling in my heart for the rest of their lives. When you are in a state of severe breakdown it is hard to realise the effect it can have on your loved ones, you think they would be better off but in fact, they would struggle for the rest of their lives with your loss…

please, if you are suicidal seek medical help, call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 as soon as possible. Thing can get better!

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